Today I woke up wanting to die but it turned out okay.
I look at the keyboard when I type so I don't have to see my words staring me in the face, shaming me. Who wants to read this crap? Not me.
I'm embarrassed of myself, I need a haircut,
My room is a mess and my bathroom even worse. I go to work
Someone stands on my chest on the bus and I can't stop being alive, so uncomfortably conscious and surviving and suffering
Am I doing what I want with my life? Some days it takes everything just to keep moving
pull through for the days that are worth living
listen to Oh Comely and I don't even cry
Depression is feeling sad or feeling nothing, I can't tell which.
tomorrow I'm 22 years old, I should get an award. I might have died 3 years ago.
someday I want to do artist residencies and go to grad school,
maybe have children or a dog or at least my own car. All of these things to look forward to, today feel heavy and obligatory.
Yayoi Kusama with her polka dots is so old, but Mike Kelley killed himself in 2012. No more stuffed animals for him.